Grieving Part 2

I went to talk with my Youth leader about the topic after the funeral on Saturday and she gave me some good advice. She's been through some deaths of people close to her, so she knows exactly what I'm experiencing. She's just like me: hates crying in front of people, and when someone confronts her about crying, she's like, "Leave me alone I need my own space shut up and go away", and hates funerals, where those are put together. They say "it's a place where you can cry freely and no one will hate you for it", but I wouldn't cry there anyways because there are people there. I haven't been to many funerals in my life besides this one, I think actually this is my second. The first was of some soldier that I had no relation to. Actually, at the funeral, I forced myself not to cry, because I was sitting next to a dance teacher I don't know very well, so I didn't want to cry beside her, even though she was already crying herself. I didn't even want to cry beside my own mother. My Youth leader told me that everyone grieves in a different way (obviously) and that I shouldn't not think about it, (which is what I've been doing since I found out about it on Wednesday night last week) because if I don't think about it for long enough and bury it deep inside me like Cole Matthews' anger in Touching Spirit Bear, it'll well up and I'll get depression. She said that I don't have to concentrate on the topic right now, but I'll have to do it eventually. I try not to think about it. She said that there's something psychological about crying, and how it relieves stress or something when you're grieving...something to do with endorphins...I don't remember. But I have to let it out and yes, Let It Go (the tears not the death), and it's okay to cry every once in a while, and it doesn't have to be in front of people, in which I will make sure it won't be.

Grieving

So I'm dealing with a death right now. The first death in my life that's actually mattered to me personally. This death is that of my dance school's manager and co-founder, Barbara Dodds, more commonly known around the dance school as "Miss Barb". I've never grieved before, so I hope I grieve "properly". For now I'm just hoping I don't break out crying in the middle of class and draw attention to myself. That would be terrible. Especially in English with the "different" teacher.